The Birth of Miss Vivian

She is already 3 months old, where has the time gone?  I can not believe that it has taken me this long to put her birth story on paper.  It was easily one of the best days of my life.  As my midwife called it, "pure redemption."  With my first delivery I longed for a natural birth, and I had imagined myself laboring for hours until the time to push, and delivering a healthy, crying baby that was placed on my chest for me to meet right away.  I envisioned nursing her immediately, and bonding right away.  Unfortunately, my delivery was met with unnecessary interventions and an urgent c-section, which separated us for the first 90 minutes of her life, as well as post-partum complications that lasted for weeks.  I spent the next year trying to process what had happened, and it took the birth of Vivian to really allow me to accept the way that Ava entered this world.  Birth is a transforming, emotional experience, no matter how it is done.  The birth of my second daughter brought pure redemption and joy.  This is our amazing story.

After Ava was born, I decided that, although I thought that my doctor truly cared about me and wanted a healthy mom and baby, his idea of a safe and healthy birth were very different from my own. I knew that I needed to find a new provider.  I called the wonderful doula who had taught our birth classes, and she recommended a woman OB who tended to practice on the more natural side with less interventions.  I met with her for my yearly check up and really liked her.  We again had trouble conceiving, and after 9 months I made an appointment with her to again try fertility medications.  In the mean time I tried a round of acupuncture - and it worked!  So my infertility appointment changed to a new OB appointment.  I went for a couple of check ups and had my initial blood work done and first ultrasound.  Although she seemed great, I spent very little time with her at each exam.  And every time I thought about going back to the hospital and possibly having more interventions during labor, I completely panicked.  What if this baby was OP (occiput posterior, or face up) too, would they be able to get her to turn?  What if my water breaks early again, will they want to start pitocin?  Will she encourage me to push in different positions?  I started to question whether the hospital was truly the safest place for me to have this baby.

So around 16 weeks I talked Josh into touring the New Birth Company with me.  I had been hearing a lot about this freestanding, licensed birth center and followed it on Facebook.  I fell in love with it that very night.  There were three midwives, two who had been delivering babies many years and even had experience delivering babies in third-world countries.  The rooms were nice, and they had all of the same equipment for newborn and mom that they had at the hospital (except for pain medications).  The best part was that they were able to take VBACs.  So at 17 weeks, I transferred my care to the birth center.  And I can not tell you what a relief that it was.  My appointments were thorough and I really got to know the midwives.  I truly felt that they were my friends by the end of my pregnancy.  For my glucose tolerance test I was able to eat a carb-loaded breakfast rather than drink the nasty syrup that had made me so very sick, and so many other things that made for a family centered pregnancy.  It was really, really a great experience.

At 37 and 5 weeks, I awoke at 3 am with contractions that continued to increase in intensity.  All that I could think was "No!  Not today, today does not work for me.  I need to finish working before I start maternity leave, my parents have to work today....this is not a good day to have a baby!"  I called my midwife at the birthing center around 7 am, at which time my contrations began spacing out from every 2-3 minutes to every 5 minutes.  By that afternoon, labor had stopped.  Kelly (the midwife I had spoken to) later joked that I had shut down my own labor, feeling like I was not ready - and I think she was right.  I had been saying that I thought this little one would be a week late, and had joked that a 2/2 birthday (my due date was 1/26) would be easy to remember AND would match her sister's 9/9 birthday.  It's so funny how things work out....

I continued to go to my weekly check ups at the birthing center, seeing a different one of the 3 midwives each time.  Each time they asked if I wanted an internal exam, but I declined since I knew that I could be a 4 for weeks or a 0 and have a baby that night.  I was afraid that it would just discourage me.  The midwives felt the baby each time, and each time she was in a different position - always head down, but sometimes OP (the dreaded position that "caused" my first c-section).  I went to the chiropractor for the Webster's technique (to help with baby positioning), and I would feel her turn after an adjustment, and then turn right back around within a few days.  I was starting to get a little bit nervous, and the week before my due date had a complete melt down at my appointment.  I think I had too much time to think about the delivery and was starting to get scared that I would not be able to birth this baby, would end in another c-section, and would be devastated again.  I reminded myself that I was doing everything that I could to ensure a healthy delivery, and if it didn't happen then it just wasn't meant to be.  I prayed a lot, and read every VBAC story that I could find on the Birthing Without Fear blog. 

My due date came, and my mom and I took Ava to the zoo.  3 hours of walking and you would think that baby would have come!  When I saw that *bonus* there was a huge, full moon that night, I thought it would surely be the next day.  But that weekend came and went.  My next appointment came on Wednesday, I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  The midwife, Whitney, told me that Cathy was on for the next weekend.  I told my husband that evening that I thought that Saturday February 2 would be the perfect day to have this little one since the 2/2 date was perfect, the weekend would be great for my parents, and Cathy would be my midwife.  All 3 of the midwives at the birthing center were great, and I trusted all of them, but I had just clicked with Cathy and her years of experience really put me at ease.

Saturday, February 2 came and I woke at 3 am with what I thought were my typical, middle of the night Braxton Hicks contractions that I had been having nightly for the last 3 weeks.  By 4 am, however, I knew that this was the real thing.  I was slightly uncomfortable and no longer wanted to lay down through my contractions.  I knew that this was the day.  Josh had been sleeping in the guest bedroom, both because I had started snoring (awesome pregnancy side effect), and to tend to Ava because she had been waking in the middle of the night.  So I decided to get up and shower, pack a bag for the day, check Facebook, and eat some sausage-egg casserole that I had made the day before, all without waking the others.  My contractions were every 4 minutes and nothing that a little breathing and some swaying couldn't get me through.  Around 5:30 am I decided to call my parents so that they could come and stay with Ava.  I was hoping that I could stay at home until they got to our house, but with their 2 1/2 hour drive and my labor intensifying, that didn't quite happen. 

Around 7 am Ava and Josh got up, and I started making Ava breakfast.  I had a contraction while in the kitchen, and Josh, who saw me from the stairs, said "wow, look at you - you're in labor!"  I just smiled and said, "Yup, today is the day!"  I decided to call the midwife to give a heads up that we would be on our way soon.  I spoke to the nurse and told her that my contractions were every 3 1/2 minutes, and that I would be leaving whenever we got Ava fed and changed.  I wanted to stay at home for as long as possible, but could tell that in the next hour or two it would be time to go.  I called our friends (and Ava's Godparents, the Indellicates) to see if they could watch Ava until my parents got into town.  (It was Liz's birthday too!)  Soon after, Kelly called to check in and tell me that I could wait to come in if I wasn't ready.  This is when my thinking started to get a bit fuzzy - I knew what I wanted to do but had trouble explaining it.  I had a contraction while on the phone with her, and right afterwards she said "Now, which room did you want?"  I guess that she could hear that I was ready to go.  And my response was "Kelly, I couldn't care less.  Just tell me where to go.  See you in a few." 

We pulled up to John and Liz's, and Ava was so excited to play with Will.  At this point, contractions were about 2 1/2 minutes apart and I had to turn around in the front seat to get comfortable.  I remember looking at their house and seeing Liz waving excitingly from their window.  I was so excited too!  As we drove to the birth center (I am fairly certain we made it there in record time), I tried to text Julie, our doula, but my brain wasn't quite functioning well enough to type out the words, and ended up calling her instead.  She was up and planning to meet us soon.  Josh and I were joking that not having to drive to the center would definitely be a bonus of a home birth, as the contractions in the car were not the most comfortable thing I have ever experienced.

We arrived to the center around 8:30, and I was found to be a 5 already.  We got to our birthing room and started to get settled in.  Julie arrived, and Cathy told us that she wanted me to do some lunges and other positioning exercises while I was having contractions.  I wondered if there was something going on, but really didn't want to know and decided that Cathy had it all under control.  The next few hours were wonderful - I labored wherever and however I felt comfortable.  Julie, Josh, and I talked and laughed between contractions, and when one would come I would get quiet, close my eyes and breathe, and then start right back where I had left off in the conversation.  Around 11 I got into the tub, which felt great but also made everything feel, well, strange.  Not in a bad way, just different.  In the water I could feel her kick my upper abdomen when a contraction started, and then she felt like she was trying to swim downwards.  It was a pretty amazing feeling, knowing that she knew exactly what she was doing to make her way out.  Around this time, Josh had Julie step in for him so he could use the bathroom, and at that moment he decided that she was worth every penny.  It was great to see them work together, they both seemed to know just what I needed and supported me perfectly.  I drank a smoothie and had a few snacks to keep my energy up, too, which was incredibly helpful.
(Photos taken by our awesome doula, Julie.)

I started to feel pushy and had a lot of pressure, so Cathy had me get out to check me around 11:30.  I was at an 8 and had a bulging bag of water.  (I've decided that this is just what transition feels like to me, it felt the same with Ava - like a lot of pressure.  Okay, to be honest if felt like a bowling ball trying to push it's way out, but that's okay.)  Cathy wanted me to do some more positioning techniques, so she had me lay on the bed on my left side with my right let up on the peanut-looking ball.  All I wanted to do was hang on to Josh and sway (soooo much more comfortable), but I trusted Cathy that this was what needed to be done.  I am not going to lie, those 10-20 minutes were pretty rough, all I wanted to do was jump out of bed for about 20 seconds of these transition contractions.  I literally fell asleep for the 1-2 minutes in between each contraction (I know you don't believe me, I never believed it when I heard that others did this either!).  The contraction would start, and as soon as I hit that peak all I could do was stare into Josh's face and say "I'm doing this.  I'm doing this, right?"  The calmer I stayed, the easier it was.  As each contraction started, I reminded myself to stay calm, to look at Josh, and talk my way through it.  After about 10 of these contractions, Cathy had me roll to my right side.  As I rolled, I felt the baby flip.  I jumped out of bed and looked at Cathy and said "That was NOT okay, Cathy.  That was not right!"  That would be the second crazy feeling during this birth.  I went to the bathroom (more because I wanted to get away from that awful peanut-ball thing than anything), and when I sat down on the toilet my water broke.  No, I think that is an understatement.  It exploded everywhere.  Really, everywhere.  I have never seen anything like it.  I heard Cathy say "There it is!  Waters broke!" and I yelled back "And that is why I won't have a home birth!"

When I returned to the room, Cathy checked me again and I was complete!  It was about noon and time to start pushing, which I was so excited about.  Pushing is my favorite part because it feels so good to relieve that pressure.  I was on my left side with my right foot pushing against Cathy's hip.  Each time I started pushing, I could feel it wasn't quite right, but if I adjusted a bit I could feel myself actually pushing this baby down the canal - what an awesome feeling!  Cathy had the doppler and was monitoring her heartbeat during and in between contractions.  A few times she seemed a little urgent about it, but each time let me know the heart rate, always between 120-140.  She told me to feel her head, which I never thought that I would want to do, but it was amazing to feel and encouraging as well.  About half way through the pushing I began to cry, I looked at Josh and said "This is really happening, we are going to meet our baby girl soon."  I think that it finally had hit me that this was really working, that my body was not broke, that soon our baby was going to be here!

Then Cathy looked at me and said "We are going to get this baby's head out with your next push."  I remember thinking, great, next push head, then not too long for the rest of the baby, yay!  On my next push not only did her head come out, but her body easily followed.  Cathy told me to reach down and catch my baby, and I did.  I reached down and caught her, and pulled her up to my belly.  She let out a screech and looked up at me with big eyes, as Cathy gently pulled the cord over her head.  She seemed so calm.  Cathy waited for the cord to stop pulsing before she clamped it.  Josh declined cutting it so I did instead.  We placed a blanket on her back and I held her to my chest, admiring her.  Cathy checked everything out, no tearing, just a small abrasion!  We all took bets on how much she would weigh, guessing around 8 lbs each.  7 lbs 7 ounces was her weight, but she was long at 21.5 inches.  We laid in bed for a little while and Vivian nursed well, but I was ready to get up and use the bathroom within the hour.  Cathy remarked that Vivi was so awake and alert, just like those babies that you see in the videos of the breast crawl.  The nurse ran me a warm herbal bath, and I got to bath Vivian as well.  It was so calming and soothing, and felt great too.  Kelly and a few of the nurses came in to meet Vivian and congratulate me, we were all just beyond thrilled to have this baby girl here!

Cathy came in later to talk about the birth.  She revealed to me that Vivian had been OP when I presented (just like Ava), and that the flip I had felt during transition was her moving into the OA (occiput anterior) position.  She also had a nuchal cord (like Ava), AND had thick meconium which is why she had monitored her so closely.  Despite all of these things, because I was able to labor like I needed to and did not have unnecessary interventions, and because of Cathy's wisdom and experience, I was able to birth Vivian naturally and without any complications.  I felt amazing!  I had always heard about the birth-high, and it was so true.  What an awesome, amazing experience to have.  I can't wait to do it again.

My parents brought Ava up to visit that afternoon.  Initially she did not want anything to do with us, but after we let her open the Cabbage Patch doll that Vivian had bought for her, she was thrilled.  She wanted to show baby sister the doll, and wanted to hold her.  She even gave her a sweet kiss on the head.  The staff brought in a chocolate cake and sang "Happy Birthday."  The best part was going home that evening, being there for Ava's bedtime, and sleeping in our own bed.  The midwives, Julie, and the New Birth Company birthing center were such blessings to me on such an important day.  I can not thank them enough for what they did for me!

Our awesome doula, Julie.